Back on the daily schedule. 🙂
I watch them by the water. Mothers. Babies. Fathers. Little families nurturing new life.
Feeding them. Washing them. Keeping them warm and safe.
I like to watch them. I torture myself with the ache and longing for what they have. Remembering the tenderness of new life, the smell of pure innocence.
I wrap my arms around my waist, determined to ignore the cold creeping up my arms, numbing my fingers and toes.
The wind is biting today. The black and white birds on the edge of the ice huddle together, heads down against the cold. My thick coat shields me a little. How cold are they? Do their feet and wings go numb?
I can feel Tim’s eyes staring at my back through the dirty little window. Urging me to come in. His words of warning, his pleading tone and voice echo in my head. He doesn’t understand the need to fill the hole, the urge to make sure I always remember.
I cannot forget. I cannot love him, not the way he wants me to. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.